My Angel
by Hannie-May
Summary: My take on Carlisle and Esme. Their begining and their lives together. R
1. Jumping to My Angel

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight saga or its characters cause if I did there would be a lot more of Carlisle and Esme and Jasper ( for jess =])

I know this has been don't A LOT but I thought id still write a bit bout it, and if its liked ill write more, and everyone sees it happening differently. So I hope it's not too similar.

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The back of a hand can be the most interesting thing in a moment of desperation. The bones sticking through as you watch them move up and down as you drum a haphazard beat and your knee, while you sit perched on a large hard rock. The light breeze blew my thin summer dress against my bare legs. The wind swept up. Blowing the hair from my face. In that gust, I saw so many things, a lost half of my life. A lost love. _Some things you cant help remembering._

"_Esme?" The he said to me smiling._

"_Yes?" I turned to him, his voice sent chills down my spin, my cheeks on fire._

"_Isn't it beautiful up here?" he said in a whispered hush, my hand longing to be held in his._

_I looked out to the night before us. The stars reflecting in the sea dancing as the waves moved. I sighed. "Very"_

"_I tell you what Esme; if you stop injuring yourself like that and breaking your leg, we'll call this your special place…Esmes Edge, not very poetic, or romantic" He joked "but between us, it's yours." _

_He smiled angelically and passed me his jumper. I'd been so lost in his deep sparkling eyes I hadn't realise he now sat in a shirt and a long white coat. He took his scarf from his neck and wrapped it round mind. I was slightly shocked at the sight of his neck. Scared, but not like a normal scar. Like a bite. I turned away to be polite._

"_Thank you" I finally said inhaling it subtly it smelt so good. "Are you staying in town now then Dr Cullen?"_

"_Please, it's Carlisle." He said. I smirked and again blushed, my cheek felt so hot I thought I could fry an egg._

"_Sorry…Carlisle" he looked at me, his eyes sparkling like the stars above._

"_I'm moving on soon; see more of the world…" He looked out to sea. "What about you Esme? What do you want to do?"_

"_I want to have a family…a loving husband." I looked at him, our eyes met, and he smiled. He turned back to me and gritted his jaw. "I better get you back to the ward before somebody notices you've gone."_

_Nothing else was said really, I though maybe I'd offended him. He pushed me back to the room. I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, the light was pushing its way through the small curtain. Carlisle was sat in the chair beside my bed, staring at me, concerned. I kept my eyes closed to an extent, watching him. He didn't look tired at all. Had he slept too, in that chair next to me all night? I shut my eyes completely as he stood. His touch was so cold, I thought maybe I'd caught a fever, or maybe he was ill. He moved me lightly, with little effort and removed his jumper. He put it back on, if id been able to see properly, I could have sworn that he stopped as the smooth fabric passed over his head. Like he was inhaling my smell. He looked at me, and I could have sworn he mouthed goodbye. His despaired face watching me as he left the room, his jaw clenched so tight his teeth were sure to come through the other side. "Don't forget me Esme…You're special…I can't hurt you"_

I'd ended up here again. _My Edge._ Without my angel. I snapped my eyes shut, tight, trying to conceal the body shaking tears from escaping again, holding myself. Everything had gone wrong; it shouldn't have been like this. My chest hurt, like fire burned and ached, I wasn't really sure if it was because id cried so much, or if my heart was truly broken. Shattered. My heart had been taken by him. That dark rainy night when I met him. Lying in the cold dark hospital bed, when I'd handed him back his coat. My fragile heart had been broken by Charles and his abuse. Now it is in pieces because of me. Me, dreaming that one day he'd come back to me, and save me from the life I was living. Life. My life had been over the day I watched him leave the room. Never to see him again. So many dreams I had. Only then had I been the real me, When I was with him. All I was doing was making things worse, by wanting _him_. The one who could take away my pain. The crisp sea air blew up stronger as I stood and edged my feet closer to the drop. I inhaled deeply. My heart rang in my ear._Thump._

The reason I was here I was trying to ignore. My little boy was gone. My baby. That had finally tipped me. In that moment I opened my eyes, and maybe it was my mind messing with me, maybe it was my way of completing the job. But in that desperate moment, I saw _him_. The young angelic doctor I'd seen years before, my leg ached where he had touched it. Where he had fixed me. _Thump. Thump. _I stepped forward. _My angel _stood before me. I wanted him to fix my broken heart. Smiling lovingly, out stretching his firm cool hands. I reached for him. The vision disappeared. I kept my eyes shut. _Thump. _Savouring my angel's glorious and beautiful face. _Thump._ His smooth blond hair. _Thump. _I was so involved in my thoughts. I didn't feel the gush of the wind as I fell to the beach below._ Thump. _I didn't see the older couple and their dog walking along, watching me fall. _Thump._ I didn't feel the beach as I hit it and its rocks and rough wet sandy surface._ Thud. Thump._

I could only see my angel. Some memories are worth the pain and sometimes you have to push away the tears, hold your head high and say goodbye. _Thump. _Like Carlisle had ten years ago. Like I hoped he had ten years ago. But I wasn't like Carlisle. No more holding my head high. No more pretending I was fine. _Thump._ No more heartache. Carlisle Cullen was worth all the pain in the world. All the lost smiles. All the anguish in the world, because he had kept me going, the thought and constant hope I may have one day seen him again. And now he was the reason I lay on the damp beach, my body gradually giving up, cause at the end of the day, it was better to be alone, than aching. _Thump. _I don't know how long I lay on the beach for. I didn't notice the men taking my fragile broken body to the morgue. The cold dead morgue. Their warm hands burned my cold skin. I should have been dead by now.

What was I holding out for? I wasn't really fussed that the two men hadn't checked to see if I was breathing. I wanted to die. I wouldn't last much longer. I could hear the ever decreasing rate of my heart. _Thump._ I just lay there wondering how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have. Was I meant to have Charles? Whilst wanting my Angel. Was my Carlisle the one I wanted and was supposed to be with? I was holding on to something that used to be there, I'd always hoped he would come back for me. _Thump. _Knowing deep in my heart and mind he wouldn't. My body wouldn't carry on much longer, and me giving up didn't mean I was weak, it meant I was strong enough to let go of him. Even if it meant I died to. As I closed my eyes for the last time, I saw his beautiful face, staring down at me. His expression shocked but at the same time happy. I couldn't tell. He was too blurry. My angel had come back for me. But he couldn't have been there. He didn't look a day older than he was 10 years before. A tear escaped my flooded eyes.

His face looked indecisive.

Like he was debating something.

His head moved towards my neck.

He couldn't have been there…

..._my angel._


	2. Joys of the Morgue

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the twilight saga or its characters cause if I did there would be a lot more of Carlisle and Esme and Jasper ( for jess =])

Carlisle and Esmes story as they meet again

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**CPOV**

**The Day before… **

My shoes clicked a rhythmic beat as I walked down the ghostly, empty corridor. My skin was almost the same colour as the cold walls. I fastened my pace. Strange, the site of my skin still managed to get to me. I shook it off, slightly agitated. The hospital was so much different to what it had been like 10 years ago; the staff, the décor, the patients. I thought maybe this was cutting it a bit close. I hadn't aged a day in over 200 years. But Doctor John Howard was such a dear friend to me, and he had helped me get used to the ways of the hospital when I first arrived 12 years ago. He was devastated the day I left, and was hurt I did so abruptly, of course I felt bad for lying and telling him it was family emergency made me feel worse, but we had kept in touch; written to each other.

He was the same age as me, or the same age I should have been. We were both '35'. He'd been shocked to see me look me turn up at short notice, but he had welcomed the help. I was glad he hadn't noticed my exact alikeness to how I looked before. He merely had said I had been blessed by time. I had sniggered. I could hardly agree with him. So I was back at the hospital I'd practically run from 10 years before and it was no surprise that a personal favour from John meant I was now on morgue duty for a week. I didn't mind much. It meant John could spend time with his family; I envied him terribly for this. _Family._ Another plus side was the staff would have no reason to doubt me and my constant woken state when I appeared at rounds the next day. They would assume I'd slept during the night. To be honest, the morgue wasn't the most exciting and active place to be in a hospital. But then being a morgue you couldn't expect much else.

The room was small and dark and I could smell death. I placed the paper work I had in my arms onto the small battered desk, and lit the small oil lamp and sighed. I sat looking down at the orange glowing paper. I just needed to sign of some people…well their bodies. Not the best of jobs, but someone had to do it, and tonight being in the morgue, it was my turn. I was looking through the first of the seven reports from todays fatalities. Nothing really unusual. _Mr Robert Charles Bingham. 60. Deceased. Natural Causes_. I signed it in one swift movement. I didn't tend to dwell on these reports. To be honest, they bored me, I liked the action of helping someone heal, fixing someone, like I fixed my angel. The angel that I ran from 10 years ago. I placed the papers on the opposite side of the desk and moved on to the next set. _Mrs Chloe Gills. 47. Deceased. Child Birth_. My mind began to drift. _Was my angel a mother like she'd always wanted to be? _

"Snap out of it Carlisle" I said to myself. I repeated the same signing process another 4 times.

The last report caused a lump to come to my throat. An infant. A baby boy. I looked at the name of the child, slightly shocked. _Christopher Carlisle Platt_. 4 _Days old. Deceased. Fever._ Platt. Surely not. I frantically searched through the papers looking for the Childs birth certificate. I held it in my hands for a few minutes. Staring wide eyed at I for what seemed like an age. _Mother: Esme Ann (Platt) Everson._ Esme. It had to be the same Esme. My Esme. My angel. Too young when I had met her before. A child. Too inappropriate for a 23 year old man, or rather a 250 something year old vampire. And besides she smelt so sweet and good. I had to get away from her, and here she was. Still in the town. But childless. Maybe she had become the mother she'd always wanted to become. I'd imaged her, a loving husband at her side 4 or 5 beautiful children running around. She'd be staying strong for them, even though she'd just lost a son.

She'd remembered me. _Christopher Carlisle Platt. Carlisle. _I was still in her thoughts. I thought maybe tomorrow I'd go around town, before my morgue shift started, and ask whether anyone knew where to find her. A smile crossed my face. Even if she was meant for me. She was in better hands with her husband. I signed the papers and walked over to where the Childs body lay. I closed my eyes, and pulled back the white sheet. The small tiny body of the baby lay motionless. The lump grew bigger in my throat; it was as if someone was gripping it. Stopping me from breathing, well if I needed to breathe that was. He was stilled dressed in what Esme, I'd guessed, had put him in the day he died. A long white gown and wrapped reasonably tightly in a creamy blanket.

"I could have saved you little Christopher." I cupped the top of his tiny head with my hand and smiled slightly. "You look so much like her little one. She must have loved you very much."

I covered him back over; shaken by the images of all the deceased children I'd seen in my time. His face now imprinted in my mind. Child death was not an uncommon occurrence for my eyes, but it still haunted me. All the lives lost, the distraught mothers, the fathers in denial. I'd never stopped thinking about Esme Platt. Her young heart-shaped dimpled face. Her glorious beaming smile. I sat in the wooden chair in front of the desk once more. It creaked terribly as I sat in it. I rested my elbows on the table, giving my head a perch as I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing. Tomorrow I would go find her. I would find _my angel_ and see if she was alright. She remembered me and I'd never forgotten her. I packed the reports away and lent back in the chair smiling. I guess you could say I was excited at the thought of seeing Esme again. Seeing the family I'd pictured, seeing the house she lived in and how she had made it a home for her and her children. Seeing the man she had most probably married. The man who gave her what I could never give her. I could find out why he was not on the birth certificate. Even though I knew I couldn't have her. I wanted to see her…see her one more time before I lost my angel forever.


End file.
